Some Things will Change Your Life Forever

This blog has always been about politics. I haven't kept up on it the way I should have. I am a conservative. So the mass media has not been reporting the truth.
I could scream and write about all of that - how it's angered me. It's left me disillusioned and shocked by the establishment government.
I don't care what people say. I've seen proof that the government became corrupt - beyond our wildest dreams under the Obama administration. Democrats will laugh, call me a conspiracy theorist. Where is their proof? Something happened to me shortly after Valentines Day, 2019. It changed my whole life. I'm still interested in politics.
My husband died unexpectedly on 2/23/2019. I found him laying on his stomach.
I saw him lying like that so many times before. I didn't know then, but it apparently always scared me. He was always difficult to wake up. Every time I hysterically woke him, I didn't know I was rehearsing for this day...this horrible day when my whole world would turn upside down.
My husband was eight years younger than I. Rob was only 49. He may have been a hard sleeper, but I never really believed he would go before I would. There are some things you cannot un-see. I will never forget. That scene will forever play over and over in my head. I cannot erase it from my memory.
I shook him. I tried so hard †o wake him. I even pulled his hair. He was gone. Every worst nightmare I might have buried in my subconscious was right there.
The paramedics told me he had a massive heart attack. They said there was nothing I could have done to save him. It doesn't matter what they said. I still keep blaming myself. What if I had gone to wake him sooner?  Even two of the paramedics had tears in their eyes. I don't know if it was the sight of my husband or my reaction. I cannot explain the pain I felt. It was as if my heart was ripped from my chest. I felt alone. I felt so alone.
It's two months later and I still feel so alone. In the span of five years, I lost my whole immediate family. My mom passed away in 2013. My brother succumbed to pancreatic cancer in 2015. I was my father's  caregiver when he died in 2018. My mother-in-law went into a diabetic coma in 2019. She died three days before my husband.
I have grieved my entire family. I am still grieving them. However, nothing compares to losing your spouse. Even if things weren't wonderful and and perfect, he was my husband.